"When you deliberately seek positive aspects of whatever you are giving your attention to, you, in a sense, tune your vibrational tuner to more positive aspects of everything. And, of course, you could tune yourself negatively as well. But as you are deliberately looking for positive aspects in yourself or in others, you will find more of those things: 'The better it gets, the better it gets,' for you get more and more of what you are thinking about." ---Abraham Hicks
Summer started out on a lovely note and I was lucky enough to take wonderful trips to New York and San Antonio. The weather here was beautiful, I was spending time with family and friends, and all was well.
And then.... my mom got hurt and required a lot of care, my uncle's cancer took a turn for the worse, and I started to realize that this was the summer before my youngest child's senior year. I was overwhelmed and found myself slipping into that negative place.
By the time we got to August, I was seriously down in the dumps. When we arrived at the Oregon Coast for our annual beach vacation, I had a complete meltdown. My poor husband. I'm going to write more about that next week, because something really cool happened that day, and it's worth its own post.
Maybe I just needed a good cry, or maybe it was the soothing powers of the salty air and crashing surf. Maybe it was the hours of talking I did on our morning walks. Again, my poor husband. But throughout the course of that week, something really good happened.
I found my way back to the positive.
I realized that the underlying issue was my panic about the future - a future where my job as a mom has changed, where I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself, and where I desperately miss those two little boys who called me "mommy". Nobody tells you how heartbreaking it's going to be when you have to let them go.
But here's the thing - that future is coming, whether I want it to or not. And that's as it should be.
The only thing that's changed is how I view it. I'm choosing to focus on the positive. This is an exciting time in my boys' lives, and I want to cheer them on every step of the way. I want them to see a strong mama who loves and encourages them, but who also has a life of her own, separate from theirs. I know there will be days where I'll still be sad, and it's okay to acknowledge those feelings, but I won't dwell on them.
Yesterday morning when T left for his first day of senior year, I didn't have another meltdown. I worked out, and then sat at my computer and started writing. I began this blog because I love to write, and by writing I hope to become a better writer. I'm on the brink of something new, and I want to make the best of this life I've been given. Definitely something to be positive about.
Speaking of positivity, my friend Rena, who blogs at The Diary of An Alzheimer's Caregiver and Rena's World, has to be the most positive woman I know. It's unbelievable all the things life has thrown at her but she gets through it with her great attitude and outlook. Rena is a full time caregiver to her mom who suffers from Alzheimer's, and on October 17th, she will be participating in the Walk2EndAlz. There is currently no cure for this terrible disease, and continued research is so necessary. To learn more about it and make a donation to Rena's team, visit here.