Two Teens And Their Mama: The Fathering Instinct

Thursday, June 12, 2014

The Fathering Instinct


Everyone knows about the "mothering" instinct - from small animals to humans, most mothers know what to do when it comes to nurturing their young.

But what about the "fathering" instinct?   I know it exists, because my husband has it.

For much of his life, G's father wasn't around.  His parents divorced when he was a small boy, and his dad pretty much disappeared.  Even though his mom did an outstanding job raising him on her own, G was always looking for that father figure in his life.  Through the years he turned to teachers, coaches and his friends' dads for guidance.

But he never had that main role model, his own father, to learn from.  There was no one to teach him those dad things, like how to tie a necktie, or mow the lawn, or how to get ready for your first date.  Or how to be a father yourself.

Despite this, I had a feeling my hubby would be a good dad.   G is a kind and compassionate husband, friend, son and brother.  There's nothing he won't do to protect the ones he cares about, and he loves with all his being.  

I wasn't expecting him to be this good.

From the moment our first son was born, his fathering instincts kicked in.  C was premature and required lots of medical tests in his first few days of life.  G held our tiny son in his hands and rocked him, whispering things to him while he slept, letting him know that he was his papa forever.  

Once we got home from the hospital, he pitched in changing diapers, helping with feedings and holding C while he screamed - a lot.  I'm pretty sure he had never done any of those things before - but he knew what to do.


Since then, not a day goes by that he doesn't make time for his boys.  G has guided, disciplined, counseled, and loved them.  He's taught them everything they need to know, and made sure they have all the tools to survive in this crazy world we live in.  

Now that the boys are teenagers, I see more clearly how important his presence is in their lives. I think back to when G was their age, and how painful it must have been for him to realize his dad wasn't ever going to be there.   

I am reminded every day that he is an amazing father.  G had no one to learn from or model himself after.  Not having his father in his life has made him very conscious of his important role with our boys. He's been everything his own dad wasn't, and so much more.

It must be his fathering instinct.


Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads out there!

34 comments:

  1. What a wonderful compliment to your husband to write this! It's amazing to see your husband become a dad right before your very eyes when your children are born!

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    1. Thank you! He truly transformed that day.

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  2. What a wonderful tribute to your husband.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  3. What a lovely post about your other half! He sounds like a wonderful father and clearly from the pictures you can see how the boys have appreciated his influence. It also great that you recognize that accomplishment because it's a huge one!

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    1. Thank you Holli. The boys really love their dad.

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  4. This is a beautiful story! And it's like I could've written it bc it's the same for my husband, except we have 3 girls. No boys. :-).

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    1. My best friend has 3 girls too - lots of fun! Thanks so much for the compliment.

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  5. Aw, that's so sweet! Hope you guys have a great Father's Day!

    http://audreyallure.blogspot.com

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    1. I appreciate the compliment. Thank you!

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  7. Aww...what a wonderful post in time for Father's Day....G sounds very lucky :)

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  8. Your hubby sounds like a great dad! I'm glad you took the time to write this post about him. Your honoring him says alot about you. :)

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    1. Thanks Carrie. He really is a wonderful dad and husband - I'm so lucky to have him!

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  9. This is such a sweet Father's Day tribute, Lana. Your family is very blessed! :)

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  10. One reason hubby didn't want kids is he felt his father wasn't a good one and he'd be the same. Looks like that is not necessarily true.

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    1. My hubby has definitely made an effort to be what his dad was not - both as a father and a person.

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  11. this made me tear up! I feel the same way about Mr. B and you may have inspired me to write a piece to him!
    I hope you share(d) this with him! It would be the best father's day present ever.

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    1. I told him about it, but he hasn't read it yet. I will make sure he does! Thanks for the compliment!

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  12. What a lovely tribute to your husband. He does indeed sound like an amazing father. You and your sons are very fortunate to have him in your lives. Happy Father's Day to you all...and enjoy those beef ribs! :-)

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    1. Thank you Kathy! I hope you have a great weekend too!

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  13. That is such a great story. A lot of people use not having a certain type of role model as a reason they are not good at things, but then you hear stories like this and it makes you wonder. Maybe it is part instinct and partly picked up from role models who don't even know they are role models -- people you come in contact with in every day life, that dad on tv you want to be like etc. Thanks for sharing #SITSsharefest

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    1. Thanks Susan. My husband has definitely used his father as an example of what not to do.

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  14. Hi Lana
    I wanted to comment on this when I got home last night, but after making several other blogging blunders with my own posts, I realized the only thing I was good for was a good night's sleep!
    I'm rested now - and enjoyed reading this again today. Just from how I saw G look at you and his boys, on the day I met you, I know that he must be a special dad! Happy Father's day to him!

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    1. Aww...thanks Susan. That's a nice compliment - I will let him know!

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  15. My husband has it too. His dad missed a lot when he was a kid because he was always working, and my husband did not want it to be the same way. My in laws actually live near us though and my father in law has always done things with his grandkids...taking them to games, cooking with them, etc.

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    1. So nice that your kids have such a great dad and grandpa to do things with!

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  16. Hi, vising you via the SITS girls. What an amazing dad he is! My dad died and when they go, you really realize what having a father around really means. Wish you the best with your blog.

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading!

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