Two Teens And Their Mama: Sometimes I Feel Like Superwoman

Friday, March 18, 2016

Sometimes I Feel Like Superwoman


I had lunch with Cindy last week.  We met our first week in college, and even though we were complete opposites, hit it off.  Twenty seven years later, we're still friends.

She has three daughters about the same age as my boys, so when they were little we got together for occasional play dates.  As we sat and watched my sons run crazy circles around her quiet, sweet girls, we talked about how different our lives were.

One day she asked me if I regretted the decision to become a stay at home mom.  Cindy had gone back to work as soon as each of her babies turned three months old, and as much as she loved them, she couldn't imagine being home all day.  She told me she needed to be out in the work force, talking to adults and "using her brain".

I remember being a little offended.  Was she implying that my mind was turning to mush? Probably not.  



Fast forward to last Tuesday.  Cindy's girls have grown into beautiful young women, all off at college and doing well.  Cindy has moved up in her company, and still enjoys her job.  Over lunch we talked about how different our lives are, and the subject came up again.  Now that the boys are almost grown, did I have any regrets about being a stay at home mom?

I answered her then as I did all those years ago.

Yes, I gave up a promising career.  I do sometimes wonder where I'd be now. Would I be a fancy schmancy buyer, jetting off to Paris and New York for Fashion Week?  Or maybe working for a high profile magazine, helping define the new looks of the season?  Probably not, but I'll never know.

Am I always sure that I made the right decision?  Nope.  And now that my chosen job is about to become obsolete, I have no idea where I'm headed.

But regrets?  Not a single one.



I wish every other mom out there felt the same way.  We women have to stop questioning each other about our choices.  No one ever knows someone else's situation, what's in their heart, their wants and needs.  There is no right or wrong way to parent.  The lesson I've learned?  You have to do what's best for you, and your family, and ignore everyone else.  

As Cindy and I prove, the kids will turn out okay either way.  Being a mom is hard, and we need all the positive vibes we can get. From our friends, our family, and the other women around us.  Let's stop questioning.  Let's start supporting.

Some days everything comes together, and I look at my family and I feel like superwoman - able to leap piles of laundry, sullen teenagers and college decisions in a single bound.  Then reality sets in, and I remember the appointment I forgot, the dinner that isn't ready, and the huge to do list without end.



And I'm reminded that I'm not superwoman. I'm just a plain old mom, who chose a path 21 years ago, doing the best I can.

With no regrets.


Today I'm linking up with the lovely writers at Finish The Sentence Friday.  This week's prompt was "Sometimes I Feel Like Superwoman Because"...

44 comments:

  1. When we moved into our last home my daughter was 3 and most of the moms stayed home while I worked FT. I always felt left out of the playdates, etc and they were always envious that I was working. You can't compare, you have to do what's right for you and your family and be supportive of each other. And your right, no matter what which way you decide, your kids will grow up to be amazing adults!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

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    1. That's the best part - kids are so resilient, they turn out okay either way!

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  2. Love this post. I think it's great that you stayed home and I look forward to reading about your next adventure!

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    1. Thanks Marie. I wish I knew what it was!

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  3. ...the kids will turn out okay either way....so very true. Beautiful post! I love hearing your perspective..on everything, really.

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  4. You've started me off this Friday morning with a lump in my thoat, Lana. There is so much wisdom in your advice, "do what's best for your family and ignore the rest." We all need to remember that neither way is best, if it is not the right situation for that mom and her children. I love the photos of you and your boys.

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    1. Thanks Susan. If mom is miserable, nobody will be happy!

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  5. Love this! So true. Sometimes as a newish mom to remember we do what's best for our family and I try not to feel guilty for working, but I know in the end it's what works for us! Happy Friday friend! And you are going to find something fabulous now that your boys are getting older.

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  6. I think we all have our Superwoman moments, though, which is so awesome. You sort of need it a bit just to maneuver this life. I love how you say the kids turn out okay, either way.

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    1. Yeah, I don't think we could make it through otherwise.

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  7. When I was pregnant with my son, I planned on going back to work when he turned three months. I quit my job less than a full day after he was born and stayed home until he went to preschool and since then, have worked part-time. It's what works for me and you're right - nobody should judge another mom for deciding to do what's best for her and her family. The kids will be okay either way. I really like the photo of you and your sons on the beach by the way and here's to living without regret. Glad you linked up!

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    1. Thanks for the link up. I did the same - had planned to stay home until my son was 5 months, and then I just never could go back. He used to tell me he wished he went to daycare because his friends said it was fun!

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  8. No regrets on raising such a beautiful family! Being a mom IS a job!

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  9. Every time I read a post like this I questions whether I made the right decision to return to work. Thankfully in Canada, I had over a year at home with each of my kids, but after that year was up I went back to work. I could have stayed home but I didn't. I like that you point out that the kids turn out fine either way. Great post Lana.

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    1. Thanks Christy. They really do turn out okay regardless of what we do!

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  10. This brings so much clarity to the question, to work or to stay home. It truly means it doesn't matter, people need to to what is best for them and their family. If they do have regrets, well, I hope they grow from it but to truly have no regrets means you did the best thing for your family!! I love that!!

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    1. I suppose we all have regrets here and there, but they're kind of pointless.

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  11. I think the idea of living according to what's best for you and your family applies to so many things, not just whether to work in or out of the home as a mom. So true. And I am a huge proponent of of living life with no regrets. Absolutely. We all make choices and the only person who can determine if they are the right ones is yourself.

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  12. That's the only advice I (as a non-mom) can ever give out to friends of mine who are expecting, or who are managing challenges in their family - just do what works for THEM! No two families are the same and the ways of dealing with them have to differ accordingly.

    I love that you have no regrets...but raising children into strong, healthy, capable adults...that DOES make you a SuperWoman :)

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    1. Aw, thanks. Parenting is definitely hard work.

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  13. Wonderful post! I'm the opposite of Cindy. I worked out of necessity, but would have loved to be a stay at home mom. It just wasn't in our budget. This was before blogging and all the ways to make money online now. I've always regretted that I couldn't be at home with my kids back then, even though I worked my schedule out so I worked a swing shift so I could be with them most of the day, and worked in the evening (and was dog tired all the time). But, like you said, no point is regrets or guilt now. And we shouldn't judge others or compare ourselves to other women because we're all doing our best with the hand we're dealt. We ARE ALL Superwoman!

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  14. Lana, I am happy you don't have regrets... I was basically a stay at home mom with my oldest and a working mom with my youngest... if I had my choice, I would be a stay at home mom... I feel like I am not able to give enough attention to my youngest... but you are so right, no one should judge anyone's decisions... no one knows their reason... there are many ways to parent as you say xox

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    1. I agree - no one should judge anyone else, ever.

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  15. Loved this, and what you wrote is so inspiring. The photos are so cute too! You are blessed!

    Shauna

    www.lipglossandlace.net

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  16. but you ARE supermom because you are the best mom you could be and the only mom they'll ever need.

    You did it all right

    Simply Shaunacey

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    1. Thanks Shaunacey. I don't know if it was all right, but they seem to have turned out okay!

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  17. Lana, I love this. Your honesty and perspective are amazing!! Any way you'd be open to me reposting this in Mombies Unite?

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    1. Yes, yes, yes! I sent you an email!

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  18. Oh Lana! I made your same decision and although I don't regret staying home I do sometimes doubt myself as a mother. I TRY not to compare but it's nearly impossible. With my oldest going down a path that pains me, I second-guess myself in so many areas. The bottom line: parenting is hard.

    ~Sheila
    Making the Most of Every Day

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    1. Oh Sheila, I'm sure you are a great mom. Sometimes our kids just need to make those decisions on their own. it's the hardest thing to let them make mistakes, I think. Parenting is so hard, not matter what age they are!

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  19. I love this Lana! You should send it to Huffington Post it's really terrific. I've missed that writer part of you and I know that as the next few years unravel you will have some amazing things to say not that you didn't before, but this was fabulous!

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    1. Thanks Rena. I haven't been brave enough to send anything to them. I'm slowly getting back into some more "writing". I just haven't felt like it much since my dad died.

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  20. I wonder if men would be generally more supportive of one another than women? Seems like we are always comparing ourselves and measuring ourselves against others. I truly never had a choice...had to go to work...and did so when Bren was three weeks old and Lauren was four weeks old. I didn't return to a fancy smancy job, either...just a job at a public library with one, at a preschool with the other. It tore me up to be "teaching" other people's little ones, while dripping breast milk and knowing my little ones were being care for by a stay-at-home mom. Oh, the irony.

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    1. I think men would be more supportive of each other. I'm so sorry that you didn't have a choice Leslie - but your daughters are both such beautiful young women!

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  21. I decided many years ago to forgo a promising career to stay home and raise my children, i dont regret my decision. Any stay at home mom is a superwoman to me, you are doing an amazing job!

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