Two Teens And Their Mama: The Years Went By Too Fast

Monday, August 22, 2016

The Years Went By Too Fast


It's been four days since we unpacked the clothes, made up the new bed, put away all the snacks and school supplies, and tacked the pictures of home onto the walls.  Actually, he did that, which is why they're so.... obviously put up by a boy.  Whose mom kept her mouth shut because it's his space.  Anyway.

There was one last breakfast, then a quick goodbye while I held back the tears. The drive home was long and hot and I finally let those tears flow.  Often.  

When he was born, we brought him home from the hospital, put him in his crib, and said "what do we do with him now?"  On Thursday I walked into the house, looked at his empty bed, and said "what do I do now without him?"

My life isn't over.  I know that a new chapter has begun for him and for me. And my nest isn't really that empty.  My husband and older son are still here, along with Abby and the new puppy.  Yet life as I've known it has definitely changed. Things will never be exactly the same again.  It's not the end of the world, but it's the end of something special.

And I'm just so sad.

I will miss him and almost everything about him.  His sense of humor, his kindness, his hugs, the impromptu dance parties with his brother.  I'll miss watching him compete in cross country and swimming.  I'll miss his wit and intelligence, his smart aleck commentary, and his goofy antics.  I'll miss his friends and the life they brought into our home. 

There are many worse places I could have left him on Thursday.  Jail, rehab, a hospital room. He's alive and healthy, and successful enough to start college and pursue his goals and dreams.  But nothing prepares you to leave a piece of your heart in a dorm room 334 miles away.

I'm just so sad.

I'm sad when I pass his room, and see everything neat and tidy, with every dresser drawer closed.  Sad when I fold the last bits of laundry he left at home. Sad when I look outside and see his car in the driveway.  Sad when I realize he won't be coming in the door to ask me to make chicken pot pie for dinner.

I know things will get better, as everything does with time.  We'll all find our new normal. I'll always be his mom, and he'll still need me, in different ways.

Still, I'm just so sad.

The years went by too fast.  It seems like there's so much time, until suddenly there isn't. And if I could, I'd go back and do it all again.  I'd bring home that little baby, lay him in his crib, and whisper in his ear that the next eighteen years were going to be the best years of my life.

45 comments:

  1. Crying, crying, crying...I'm just so sad with you!! Still working on the new normal yet I swear as a parent, this is one of the toughest things ever. What a precious boy you have, my heart is with you all the way friend!!!!!

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    1. We're like soul sisters, in this together. Why is it so hard? I think about you every day and hope you're doing well!

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  2. {{Hugs}} Sending you lots of love over the internets.

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    1. Thanks Christy. I really do appreciate it!

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  3. Aww.
    This is a new chapter mom! The best years really. You get to see your little boy become a man!

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    1. That's what I'm trying to focus on!

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  4. Congratulations to your son, and you, on being accepted and going off to college. That being said, I had tears in my eyes as I read your blog post. I can't imagine, and never really try to, what it will be like when the girls are grown up and ready to explore their own lives away from us. Hugs to you.

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    1. I never gave it much thought until a few years ago. But the time really does fly by.

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  5. Ugh....big hugs. This is one transition I don't look forward to and will cuddle my babies a little more this week.

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  6. Oh Lana, I'm sad with you! I can't imagine how hard it's going to be when my daughter leaves for college. Its a new chapter for both of you and you'll find your new normal soon. Hugs to you!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

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    1. Thanks Jill. Hoping the new normal gets here soon!

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  7. Awe Lana... you brought tears to my eyes. I think of that with Andrea who is all grown up. I remember feeling those daunting years ahead when I brought her home as a baby. The years flew and when I had Valentina 22 years later ... I knew to enjoy those years as much as possible.

    I'm sure you'll find your new normal and you're always him mom ♡♡♡

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    1. Thanks Launna. The time seems so long when they are babies, but it goes so quickly!

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  8. This was so moving and heartfelt. I know you wrote the words that many mom's of "big" kids are feeling in this season. I dropped my oldest off at high school for the first time today, and I could feel a page turning in my life. I know the next four years will fly by! Take care!

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    1. Thanks so much Tanya! Enjoy the high school years - they are so fun!

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  9. Oh goodness, you got me all teary eyed just reading this, knowing these are going to be my exact emotions in 12 years...waaahhhh!!!! You got this lady! And at least he is in the same state and not one that is clear across the country :)

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    1. That's true. One of his friends is going to Vassar, in New York, and won't be home until Christmas. That would be even harder.

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  10. LANAAAAAA!!! I'm standing in line at the post office with tears streaming down my face!!!!! I so get what you are going through! The neat room, the little bits of laundry. I get up in the morning and now I have TWO open bedroom doors. Open, because the boys who lived in them are no longer there to close them when they go to sleep. I'm proud of my boys and happy for them, but so sad for me! Love you girl!

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    1. Thanks Sheila. I feel exactly the same - so excited for him, but sad for me. The open doors are the worst!

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  11. This made me cry. We left our second at school a little over a week ago and it's been so lonely without him. You're not alone in the sadness!

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    1. It does help to know that lots of us are going through this!

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  12. The price we pay for love. I'll be sharing your pain in late September when my youngest heads for college. Like you, I'll be glad that he's heading out in life and bereft, too.Wishing you well.

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    1. Thank you. It's such an odd mix of emotions!

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  13. Change is hard on everyone. I'm sure your son will miss your chicken pot pie as much as you miss making it for him.

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    1. He's already requested it next time he's home!

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  14. Awww...so sorry your sad mom! I cannot imagine when my last baby leaves the best. I keep thinking maybe by then I'll have some grand babies to keep me busy

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    1. I'm looking forward to grand kids someday too!

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  15. Sorry you're sad, friend. Sending you hugs from Louisiana!

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  16. When they leave for college it's a huge step, and it really does change so much... (The only other HUGE step for me was kindergarten). But you are right, there will be a new normal...

    When my older son left for college six years ago, the little one was only three, so there were lots of distractions. Can't (and don't want to!) imagine what it'll be when the little one leaves...

    Andrea
    Andrea’s Wellness Notes

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    1. I remember being so sad when the boys went to kindergarten. Feels like yesterday!

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  17. Oh, you made me cry over this! I really just can't imagine. It seems like a lot of blog friends have had a child go off to their first year of college this year! Just be glad that there is texting, face time, etc. now and it'll be A LOT easier to keep in touch. But, I know all of those little lasts are always so hard. You are a good momma to him now and always will be! My advice is to KEEP busy and find some new interests that take you out of your normal zone and make you feel excited and charged about yourself! This is your time to enjoy YOU for once!

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

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    1. Thank you so much Carrie! Being able to keep in touch is wonderful - when I went to college, I talked to my mom once a week! Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself!

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  18. Oh, what a sad story! And you wrote it so beautifully! Is he coming home for holidays? Well that will take a while ,but it is something to focus on in a few weeks! I hope he calls you often!

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    1. Thank you so much! Yes, he'll be home for Thanksgiving and almost a month at Christmas. He's very good about calling me and checking in!

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  19. Oh Lana!! This is beautiful...I'm in tears!! What a tribute! You are strong...you can do this! xo

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  20. omg my oldest is 3 and I'm crying my eyes out after reading this!! seriously. Motherhood is so gut-wrenching. I've found myself, so many times, praying for relief, but then any relief comes and I'm lost without those people from whom I felt I needed some reprieve. And I know, oh gosh I know, that when I find myself in that place where you are now, I'll weep just as you have, I'll wander the halls and I'll ache for the babies I miss so much.
    Thinking of you xoxoxoxoxoxo

    Also... I hope, for you AND for me, that maybe this will bring a new chapter, for your wonderful son but also for you, his amazing momma, becuase as much as you are a wonderful mom, you're so much more too.

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    1. You are so sweet, and your comment made me cry all over again. Thank you for such kind words, friend!

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  21. I'm so sorry, Lana! He is one lucky boy to have you as his mama! And he will go on to do such great things and make you so proud :)

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  22. Oh, baby girl. I hate to read about your sadness. My heart hurts for you and for Sheila and for Andrea. Even a little bit for me because even though my girls have been gone from home for awhile, I still miss them everyday. But it does get easier. And this chapter of life is pretty great, too. Hugs and lots of love my friends.

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  23. Ahh... this hits me so hard. I had such trouble with kindergarten. Like.. what I'm certain is more than most. The thought of college astounds me. I will have to get puppies and kittens then! And lots.
    What a great kid.

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  24. Ugh! I'm just not looking forward to this day! I only have less than 2 years. I think about it all the time :(

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