I've been dreading the arrival of 2016 for years. It's been hovering in the back of my mind, ready to pounce, but I've been ignoring it. Last week, as the clock struck midnight on January 1st, I turned to my husband and said "I can't tell you how unhappy I am that 2016 is finally here". Yep, I was a fun New Year's date. Poor guy.
Before I continue, let me say this. When I started this blog almost two years ago, I wanted a place to write, and share, and try to overcome my anxiety. It's become that and so much more. I've made wonderful friends, learned new things, and been strengthened by the support and love of the blogging community. I've gained courage and happiness. In return, I now want my space here to be a positive place that might help or teach someone else. I promise not to spend the whole year moping around, and I hope I don't scare you off.
But sometimes a girl just needs to vent, and today's the day.
I hate 2016.
Ever since the day I filled out his kindergarten registration, I've known that this was the year my baby would finish high school, and head off into the next phase of his life. For awhile I've known that this was the year my older son would graduate from college, and be ready to move to his own home. But at the time it seemed far away, and I put it on the back burner to deal with later.
Then 2016 came barging in, uninvited and way too soon. And I'm not ready.
|Seriously, this seems like yesterday.|
I know that exciting things await, both for them and my husband and me. Life goes on, and that's a good thing. They're ready. It's as it should be.
For me and my anxious self, the anticipation of something can often be worse than the actual event. When the time comes to really let them go, I will be strong. I'll try not to let them see my cry, because they'll worry. I'll kick myself in the booty and get on with things.
But in my mama's heart, all I want is a do over. I want my little boys back.
And could I ask 2016 to go away and come back later?