Like many, we spend the long weekend after Thanksgiving decorating our home for Christmas. It's a happy time, with lights and laughter and music, and a little complaining by the boys.
But this year, I couldn't get in the spirit. T went back to school early, to attend the big rivalry football game. I was missing my dad and my uncle. Each ornament I hung on the tree brought back a memory of a time now gone. My bad mood was trickling down to C and my husband, ruining what should be a fun, happy day.
And then I remembered something I read a few months ago. The exact words eluded me, so I stopped what I was doing and went to find the book. And there it was:
There is a story about a Navajo grandfather who once told his grandson, "Two wolves live inside me. One is the bad wolf, full of greed and laziness, full of anger and jealousy and regret. The other is the good wolf, full of joy and compassion and willingness and a great love for the world. All the time, these wolves are fighting inside me." "But grandfather," the boy said, "which wolf will win?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."I was feeding the bad wolf, allowing my happy holiday memories to take a negative tone. Once I started feeding the good wolf, the joy and excitement of another Christmas season returned. There were still a few tears and moments of sadness, but I realized that my happiness is up to me.
In the end, the tree was trimmed, the decorations put in their place. T will be home for Christmas in a few weeks, and as long as my heart beats, my dad and uncle will live on.
I've decided which wolf will win.